making plans with friends like
ESTP: super attractive physically but it’s all downhill from there. never quite know what they’re going to do next but you can probably bet it will be irresponsible. somehow still lovable.
ESTJ: loud, logical, and get shit done — they are the warrior class of the life rpg. power stats make them unbeatable and if you encounter one, maybe just curl up and forfeit, to save time.
ESFP: giggly little shits. fun fun fun till her daddy takes the t-bird away. great for lifting your mood, not that great at lifting your credit score.
ESFJ: too appropriate, totally lacking in awkwardness. they’ll never forget your birthday, which will make you feel like shit when you constantly forget theirs.
ENTP: excellent companions if you enjoy people who instantly see through all your shit. very clever and very intuitive, you can’t fool them. i suggest you invest in other friends — ones you *can* fool.
ENTJ: impatient with people who make mistakes, namely, everyone. they’ll respect you if you stand up to them but why do that when you can run away instead. cuddle them and see what happens. i’m curious.
ENFP: too puppy to live. best suited for the profession of musical nanny. not advised for use around an open flame.
ENFJ: way too charming and capable, maybe they should stop making everyone else look bad. prone to making other people care about stuff they didn’t want to care about. so annoying.
ISTP: such butts. best suited for an apocalypse scenario, if no such scenario exists, they will create danger because they get bored. don’t encourage them, but don’t discourage them, as reverse psychology works too well.
ISTJ: low drama and low maintenance, best value at this price tier. best suited to actual human existence. least weird, which makes them kinda weird.
ISFP: squishy little darlings you might want to keep in your pocket, but please don’t or they will become forlorn. they notice everything, and it’s unnerving.
ISFJ: quietly and proudly do things for others. if you have a ring you need to deliver to mordor, take an ISFJ along with you for best results.
INTP: cute intergalactic spiders you want to hug and mistrust. prone to making you laugh but then days later you will wonder whether you were the butt of the joke.
INTJ: major dicks and kinda proud of it. prone to being right. prone to liking trance music way too much. all the ones i’ve ever met have been unexpectedly kinky. so i guess, expectedly.
INFP: they fall out of the sky and are raised by unicorns. if you feed one it will follow you home. they dissipate in water.
INFJ: chameleons appropriating your emotions and going quietly mad. prone to meltdowns and needing lots of naps.
I have an idea for a social experiment.
I started using OKcupid a month or so back, and in order to see what other guys were doing, to see what I was “Up against”, I asked a female friend of mine to join up as well, and send me the sort of messages she received. Unsurprisingly, things got pretty creepy pretty quickly, and I felt bad for having convinced her to do it. So i gave her a picture of my face doing something odd, and told her she could send it to anyone who was particularly creepy.
It started out as a joke, but then she told me that she had sent it to at least 20 guys, and they had fucked right off immediately, either thinking she was a man, that she was “Spoken for”, or just because they didn’t expect it. It was both highly amusing and depressing that my face had become a sort of symbol of her ability to say “NO” and be listened to, but it gave me an idea.
I’m interested to see if other women who are also having these troubles on the internet, and are tired of dealing with them rationally and instead just want to fuck around, would be game to also send that pic of my face to unwanted admirers. My last name is Middleditch, so perhaps we can call it “Getting Ditched” (Or MiddleDitched, I’m not that fussed).
Anyway, here is the picture, I hope you consider this worthy of your time. And perhaps, if this somehow takes off, I’ll get to see more responses from unsuspecting Fellows.
All the best
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. YES. You are an excellent human being for thinking of this and being cool with your photo getting sent out to creeps and douchenozzles.
READERS! Consider sending the above photo the next time you get an awful OKC message, and pretty please tell me how it goes.
I love this, thank you for sharing!
When I say “boys are dumb” what I really mean is “boys have been raised in a patriarchal society that forces them into an incorrect and problematic view of masculinity that not only forces them to strip away valuable virtues from themselves, like patience and gentleness, but also forces them them to view and treat women in unhealthy ways that devalues women as people and makes them into objects purely for a man’s benefit”
but it’s a lot faster to say “boys are dumb”